Clara-Mid-Teens
Abby-50s
Frank-50s
(Lights up on a dining room table. CLARA sits
enthralled by what she is staring at on the computer)
ABBY
(peering over her shoulder, timidly)
Clara, honey, what is it that you're reading there?
CLARA
(Jumps, slams computer shut)
Nothing, Mom! Just checking Facebook.
ABBY
(sighs deeply)
I told your father we should have had this conversation with you as soon as you started working...
CLARA
Mom, seriously--I was just checking Facebook. (awkward pause) I actually need to get going now so I'll--
ABBY
Oh honey, sit down. I know what you were doing.
CLARA
I don't know what you're talking about. Seriously, Mom I have to go. My shift starts in--(starts to stand up)
ABBY
(placing her hands on Clara's shoulders and pushing her back into the chair)
Honey, it's ok--even natural--to be curious about it. We knew it wouldn't be too long before you started asking questions. Especially after you got that job in the delicates section of Target.
CLARA
(Abashed)
Mom, this has nothing to do with Target...(pause, quietly) There are just things I don't know about...I hear the other stock girls talking and...I'm sick of not understanding them...
ABBY
(smiling, slightly relieved)
Ok honey--ok. It's time we had The Talk.
CLARA
Oh no! Mom, this just really isn't a good time! I DO NOT want to be doing this right now!
ABBY
Clara, I am your mother and as such there are certain things that I'm responsible for and your health and safety top that list. And if that means having The Talk with you--then so be it.
CLARA
Ah! Mom seriously, Ashley's mom talked to her a few years ago, I'll just go talk to her about stuff...
ABBY
(snorting)
Oh I'm sure she has, the way that girl spends her time...
CLARA
You know, this is exactly why I didn't want to talk to you about this in the first place! You're so judgmental! God, just forget I said anything.
(Gets up to leave)
ABBY
(Grabbing Clara's arm)
Honey, I'm sorry. Sit back down. I'm just a little nervous about this. You know, things just aren't the way they were when I was growing up. When I was your age I had a couple of part-time flings around town, but nothing nearly serious enough to consider doing--that. Then when I met your father, he did everything himself--I just had to lay there...
(Takes a deep breath)
Alright, let's talk about (gulps) doing your taxes.
CLARA
Oh my God, this is mortifying. Can we please just hold off on this for a few years? Just forget I ever said anything?
ABBY
No Clara, you're getting old enough that you need to know these things, for your own good. You know, the road to an IRS investigation is paved with misinformation--I just, (getting a little choked up) I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. (more brightly, nudging Clara conspiratorially) And anyway, your old mom has seen an April 15th or two in her day so I know what's what.
CLARA
(giggling)
Mom, oh my gosh, that's so gross!
ABBY
It is not. I know you may not believe it but your Mom used to be young, too. God, I had some good times. (wistfully) I remember my first time--it was 1972. I had been working at this bed and breakfast all summer, this was before your father of course. I made more money than I had expected and one thing just sort of led to another...
CLARA
How old were you?
ABBY
About your age, I guess. Maybe a little bit older.
CLARA
Wow. I just sort of always thought you had waited until you were older.
ABBY
Well, let me tell you, I had not been planning on doing it that young. But, honey, it's just one of those things that when the time is right, it's right.
CLARA
(slowly)
Mom, I know about Aunt Kathy's bankruptcies.
ABBY
Oh honey, how long have you known?
CLARA
A couple of years. One night while I was visiting she had a little too much wine and started telling me all about it. She said that Uncle Jack hadn't been able to provide for her and the BMW so she jsut had to get a quick fix.
ABBY
Oh Kathy. (heavily) Clara, declaring bankruptcy can have social and emotional repercussions that you can't possibly foresee. Nothing's a quick fix in this world. You need to remember that. When you're out with your friends you need to keep your checkbook with you at all times. You can't depend on anyone else for protection; you have to take control of your own life.
CLARA
Alright. (pause) Mom, Ashley told me there are ways that you can--do it--by yourself. Is that--I mean, can you really?
ABBY
(chuckles)
Yes, that is true. I mean, I've always been partial to going in and getting help with it but there are quite a few people who prefer to do it themselves. (FRANK walks in the doorway,
drinking a beer and eavesdropping)
FRANK
(interrupting)
Aw Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I was just going to tell you I was going to go work on the car...(upset pause) Christ, could you two at least close the door next time...
(FRANK exits, CLARA and ABBY pause)
CLARA
Oh my God! Is there NO PRIVACY in this family?! And can we PLEASE just keep the details of you and Dad's tax-life to a minimum?!
ABBY
Oh Clara, it is not that bad. It's a natural thing. Out of all of this, the biggest thing I want you to understand is that your credit is the most important possession you have. People may try to convince you differently, but don't you believe them ok?
CLARA
Ok, Mom. I will, I promise. I do have to get going though. My shift is starting pretty soon. Can we finish talking about this later? I just, I want to know how everything--you know--works.
ABBY
Of course! Oh Clara, curiosity is never something you need to be embarrassed about, ok?
CLARA
Ok, Mom. I love you.
(CLARA and ABBY embrace)
ABBY
I love you, too.
(CLARA starts to walk off stage)
Clara! One thing, just--please don't start asking me about mortgages just yet.
CLARA
Ugh, gross--you won't have to worry about that for a long time.
(CLARA and ABBY laugh)
SCENE
